Reading Time: 2 minutes
Thus far, we think it’s safe to say that the highly anticipated America 250 celebrations have not been the nationwide unifying event that our leaders had promised.
First, a UFC fighter used his moment on the mic to allege that Michelle Obama is secretly a man. Nothing says unity like disparaging a former first lady on a national stage!
And then there’s the fact that tourists are getting arrested at the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, which sounds like a Mad Libs result from a very dark timeline.
And now we have the situation that played out at the Great American State Fair on Wednesday.
As you may recall, everyone from Martina McBride to Milli Vanilli canceled on the event, leaving organizers to rely on the talents of … Vanilla Ice and Kash Patel’s girlfriend.
It’s hard to crack jokes at a time when everything sounds like a joke, so rest assured that that is not our attempt at humor:
The man who brought us “Ice, Ice Baby” and Alexis Wilkins, who is dating the current FBI director, were indeed tapped to perform.
To be fair, Alexis is a singer by trade. But she has about 5,000 monthly Spotify listeners, so she’s about as popular as your nephew’s screamo band.
For obvious reasons, lots of people jumped to the conclusion that she only landed the State Fair gig because of her connection to Patel.
And Alexis’ performance didn’t do much to dissuade them from that notion.
“She sounds like A DEAD CAT!!!!!” wrote one user (via Radar Online).
“Hello, D.C. police. I’d like to report a murder,” another added.
“Yes, someone has viciously murdered the national anthem,” a third chimed in.
“Wasn’t Milli Vanilli available?” a fourth asked.
Listing any further criticism would feel like overkill at this point, but — eh, what the hell? Here’s a few more burns for good measure”
“I think we’ve discovered the vocal equivalent of a bowl of potato salad with raisins in it,” another person tagged in.
“It’s got the energy of a senior who forced her way into the freshman talent show because she couldn’t get into choir even though she auditioned every year,” yet another added.
“This is the best we can do for America’s 250 birthday kickoff? What an absolute joke,” yet another chimed in.
Hey, she’s no Milli Vanilli, but Alexis clearly did her best. She hasn’t publicly responded to the criticism yet, but you can be sure that Kash is gearing up to do some ranting and raving on her behalf.
